A 3-Legged Stool Tips Easily – Developing a Code of Honor

When you sit on a stool, do you prefer to sit on one with 4 legs or one with just 3 legs?  Can you imagine sitting at a bar on a 3-Legged Stool?  I wonder if the picture in your head looks the same as mine!  It is very challenging to balance your weight consistently through time on a stool with just 3 legs.  With 4, you get a stool that is much more stable, much sturdier, and firmly on the ground.  Thus is the same with relationships.  Relationships must be built like a stool with 4 legs.

To have a successful, long-lasting, committed relationship, a couple must build a strong and solid foundation. This foundation is what carries the couple through thick and thin, through the garbage and challenges that must be dealt with on a day to day basis.  One of the keys to doing this is to establish an effective Code of Honor. The Code of Honor concept is one that I learned from a mentor of mine, Blair Singer at a Business Training a few years ago.  It made such great sense in business that I bought the book and my husband and I have since applied it formally to our marriage.

The Code of Honor is a set of agreed upon concepts and principles that a couple always adheres to.  They become the “laws” if you will of the way the relationship will be “managed”.  And, it is up to the couple to manage it!  For example, one item on our Code is that we will talk every day, even if we’re in different cities or different countries or different time zones.  We both agree that our relationship must have communication every day.  Another item on our Code is that we will say “I Love You” every single day and be sincere.  In other words, no matter what’s going on or what we’re feeling at the time, we will at least one time during each day, tell each other “I Love You” and genuinely mean it.

In developing your own Code of Honor, consider such things as communication, giving each other space, expressing yourself, the family, how to treat each other, etc.  As you do this exercise, you will open up a dialog and begin to describe what is important to each of you.  Next you need to have an unwavering commitment to the Code.  You must give your word to your partner that you will honor the Code of Honor between you.  This is a commitment like your life depends on it.  This level of commitment can sometimes be challenging.  You must uphold your word and defend the code no matter what.

The exercise of developing your own Code of Honor is obviously best accomplished when the relationship is on good terms.  However, it can be done at other times by using a step-by-step process.  Start with just 1 item you can agree on and put it in your Code.  One is much better than none.  The Code of Honor can be added to or tweaked through time.  I find that one of the best times to update it is every year on an Anniversary.  It’s a good reaffirmation and nice reminder of a long lasting commitment.

To keep a 3-Legged stool from tipping, give it that 4th Foundational Leg with your own Code of Honor.  Blair’s Book “The ABC’s To Building A Business Team that Wins” can give you some help if you need it, http://www.salesdogs.com/cmd.php?Clk=3100811.

May your Code never be broken,

Kim

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